I though about sharing this with you, just as an example on how crazy this island can be sometimes…
Last night, or this morning to be more precise, at 2:30 am, as I was deeply asleep dreaming of mountains and springs, my cell phone started ringing with its loud latin tune. I wake up, crab the phone and answered, in case it was an emergency…
the conversation went more or less this way:
Me: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, “hello?”
The voice: “Hello, is this Barbara?”
Me: “uh, uh” (in my mind: “f***, my knees hurt!!!”)
The voice: “I need to know your social security number”
Me: “excuse me?” (“what the hell?!, What is going on, AHHH! I see!!”)
Me: “Is this Patrick?” (“fuck! I should have waited for him to say!” ---for your information, Patrick is the policeman that is following my car accident case, his shift is between 11:00 pm to 7:00 a.m.).
Patrick: “Yes, I am writing the report”
Me: “Uh. Should I go and pick the report up in Tafuna?”
Patrick: “No, no, in Fagatogo”
Me: (“ok, I guess it is him… I cannot believe the hour!!! Well, I guess I should just be glad that at least he is working...)
Me: “, here my SS#. When will the report be ready?”
Patrick: “on Tuesday”
Me: “ah, Ok, thanks… Have a good night”
Patrick: “thanks, good night”.
I returned to sleep, and when I woke up this morning I wasn’t even sure if I dreamed all that or not. I checked my cell phone. Yes, there was definitely a call made by the police station last night at 2:26a.m. It lasted 1 minute and 33 seconds. Fair enough anyway, because I did call this Patrick to ask information about my case on his cell phone (the number was given to me at the police station) yesterday at about 6:00 in the afternoon… I bet he was sleeping!!! Jajaja!!! I wonder if I should phone him again this afternoon with some silly questions about the report… just to wake him up! It could be fun… No, no, better to sleep and let sleep! And he is after all the officer working on my case…
This is the moral of the story.: if it is destiny that you will have an accident, try to make it happen during the day, so that the report will not be processes during the night shift!
And some more stories with nice morals that will teach you how to be a fine manager…
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
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